Well, let’s see this thing through to the very end, shall we? 😉
Operation Let-Your-Hare-Down
By Sheryl Normandeau
Offensive Tactic #3. 06/04/11. 19:17. Habanero peppers.
Forget the oft-advised cayenne pepper, one blogger insists. It’s not strong enough. Her reasoning is sound enough, I conclude, so I toodle off to the grocery store and pick a bag of scorching hot habaneros. (The woman selecting button mushrooms next to me keeps shooting withering glances at me as if I’m the most sadistic cook on the planet; her sympathies clearly lay with my husband). Chopping the peppers requires gloves and a keen air of hopefulness. I am convinced that this will work, I am convinced that this will work, I am convinced….
Field Report 4.0. 06/05/11. 07:34.
Forget the habaneros. Apparently hares have a yen for painfully spicy stir fries containing half my herb garden, my tender stands of Swiss chard, and certain pre-cut hot peppers.
Offensive Tactic #4. 06/05/11. 13:45. Cat hair and used cat litter.
I cough delicately to hide my embarrassment. “Mom, um, I need a bit of Miss Flossy’s used litter. And some hair from her brush.”
Mom doesn’t even blink. “No problem, dear,” she says. “Is this for a gardening project?”
Field Report 5.0. 06/06/11. 05:47.
Now, this is just getting insulting. In an act of complete defiance, my tormentors have left a generous pile of fresh bon bons right next to the cat litter I spread around the perimeter of my perennial bed. This battle is clearly escalating.
Offensive Tactic #5. 06/06/11. 10:36. Coyote urine.
Part of me wants to know how this particular product is, um, harvested and bottled, and part of me really thinks I should leave well enough alone. Many of my Internet sympathizers have sung its praises, however, and despite my flagging confidence in the efficacy of their suggestions, I go to the garden centre and purchase some eau d’coyote. As I pour the musky elixir into a spray bottle, I ponder the indignities I have endured so far on this quest to rid my garden of the marauding hare horde.
Field Report 6.0. 06/07/11. 08:56.
Surely, this is a marketing gimmick – either that, or I bought a bad batch. (It smells so awful I can’t tell if it’s turned and I ought to return it to the retailer). Undoubtedly, as they dined by moonlight on my asparagus and marigolds (also a “WILL NOT EAT” plant), my nemeses had a good chortle about the funny yellow liquid in the spray bottle. Me, I’m reduced to hysterics.
Offensive Tactic 6. 06/07/11. 15:59. The final straw.
“He who wishes to fight must first count the cost,” the same wise warrior wrote. He wasn’t kidding. Rottweiler puppies sure eat a lot of kibble.
***
Related posts: Operation Let-Your-Hare-Down (Part One).
Flowery Prose 
Okay, first of all, I am SO sorry for all your trouble – truly, I am – I know I would be furious in your shoes – BUT – this is just about the most hilarious post I’ve ever read!!!!!! I feel terrible for laughing, and yet I’m kind of busting a gut over here. You are a fantastic writer, and good grief – what you’ve been through and what you’ve tried in an effort to thwart these bunnies is unreal!
Actually, I have one more recommendation for you and I’ll say in advance that it’s not a joke. My friend recommends another kind of urine. Your husband’s. Seriously. (I know, I know, now YOU’RE laughing.) No joke – she says she periodically gets her husband to pee in a JAR and pours it around the perimeter of the garden in several places…something about male human urine being a major deterrent…however if cat litter, fur, and COYOTE urine didn’t do the trick…on the other hand, this wouldn’t cost you anything and if it didn’t work all you have to lose is, perhaps, your husband’s dignity.
This is so out of my realm…we have a yard full of spayed feral cats, so nothing else dares come near except for the raccoons. Would a large, scary, fake hawk or owl strategically placed in a nearby tree possibly scare them off? Good luck! So tragic to lose thing you’ve just purchased and planted!!
Thanks so much for your comment, I’m so happy to hear that you enjoyed my story…I do have absolutely insane problems with hares (and squirrels, too – but that’s another tale of woe) and I’ve tried so many things to get rid of them. (I have definitely stretched the truth in this post, of course…we definitely didn’t buy a Rottweiler puppy). 🙂 A few cats on the property like you have would definitely save more than a few plants, that’s for sure! Thanks for the tip about the human (male) urine, that probably works quite well, I’ll bet.
Much thanks for stopping by my blog; I look forward to keeping up with yours!
Bit late, I know, but try Bobbex.
It may not be true, but I’ve heard that hares hate narcissus. I do know that ever since I planted them , they stay far, far away from my front bed. And they used to sleep there!
Much thanks for the recommendation re: Bobbex. I agree that hares don’t seem to like narcissus; I put in a few last fall and they were completely untouched this spring. The bulbs are very poisonous, and the squirrels won’t even try to dig them out, either. I’ve been told that very hungry deer will get into narcissus regardless of the toxicity, however – but deer are not an issue for me, fortunately! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting on this post!